Boundaries |How to set boundaries with those who do not understand?

Sometimes I wonder why it is that we feel bad for stepping away from our abusers. I sit and collect my thoughts as to why do I have the tendency to do so.

Why is it that I should feel bad for the pain another caused? Maybe that is why people tend to go back to their abusers.

It is not that they are not aware of the damage done. The damage is very clear, yet we remain hopeful for change because we see that within ourselves. A strong sense of hopefulness for growth and change with oneself.

Now is this mindset healthy for me to maintain if I am trying to heal those pieces destroyed by my abusers. No, it is not a healthy mechanism to believe I must feel bad for limiting my access to my abusers.

What is healthy is to acknowledge the damage. Acknowledge who created the damage. Realize we all have a choice and the choice made by these people were to hurt.

Am I shifting blame onto them? No because I also understand that they can only give at the capacity to in which they give themselves. So, if they are not capable of giving love to themselves. Well, they do not have the capacity to give it to others. Resulting in their choices to be harmful to themselves and others.

That choice lays in the hands of the abuser not I or you. We are not responsible for the love they cannot give to themselves. So, we must not shift blame or play victim. Although we both are victims to something in this existence. I think it is in the best suit to simply reflect upon the feelings that arise.

As I was saying I felt the need to feel bad that I do not want to communicate with my abusers. They chose the actions of emotional and mental neglect. We must set boundaries within ourselves as well as around us so that we can proceed to move past the damage and heal.

Boundaries can start with simply turning off your phone during a certain hour of the day.

How would one even establish a sense of a boundary?

Let's start by asking ourselves where do we feel the line of respect has been crossed?

When and how is it that we feel hurt or unheard by others or self?

Once we establish an understanding of this. We can proceed to create our list of boundaries.

Example

You feel overwhelmed by the workload you have been experiencing. You can now take this understanding of what you feel and create a solution.

Solution: After a certain time, I will put my workload to the side and check in on myself.

Now you have created a boundary within self. You will allow yourself a mental or emotional break from your workload so that you do not get overwhelmed with work.

I hope this journal entry helps you with establishing boundaries. As they are important in our individual existence.