The idea that one has to constantly moving is pretty toxic.
As it has come to a period of rest for me, I realize my brain has adapted mechanisms of enhancing this idea. One in which does not sit well with my feminine energy. These coping mechanisms in which I have adapted revolve around the consumption that I am less than for taking a day to lay in bed.
Diving into this shame, I come to discover from an early age I have been required to be at a constant pace of movement. From taking care of my siblings to working at a young age of thirteen. I've come to believe that if I take a moment for self it is wrong.
Which is why I claim this idea of constantly doing is toxic. Our bodies, both the internal and external, require rest. One can say that is why we sleep at night. This energy tends to block me from creating. It establishes a border around my imagination. Claims of unworthiness arise. Stocked by unwanted perceptions embedded in me from childhood. Voices repeating "you are not going to be anything", "you think you are a boss", "you'll never be a boss", "you just kiss ass". Running through the drums of my ears, I escape the tunnel to release those that were never my thoughts to begin with. A glimpse of the destruction that I allowed to linger in my head for too long.
A part of healing involves one innerstanding that not all they hear is a creation of themselves. Most of our lives are shaped at an early age by the environment and the people surrounding us. We have to take accountability for what we may change now. There is a time for stillness, as there is a time for movement.
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